Girls Gone Mild

[UPDATE:  Read Chapter One of Wendy Shalit's new book Girls Gone Mild online!]

Last summer, my friend Kathy recommended a stirring book called A Return to Modesty. Author Wendy Shalit’s writing style is engaging, honest, and thought-provoking. I think Wendy has been given a gift of knowing how to clearly relate common sense to a society in the habit of falling for foolish lies. Wendy seems to be a sort of “voice crying out in the wilderness.”

Reading the book caused me to analyze my own thoughts about sex and modesty, realizing a few twisted ideas were lurking in the depths of my brain (and I was raised in a conservative Christian household).

To give you just an example of Wendy’s thoughts, here is a snipped from Modest Extremes: Why an Observant Jew Understands Sexuality Better Than Hugh Hefner:

“History has taught us a surprising lesson: Real intimacy flourishes only where there’s also restraint. Having sex for its own sake, without waiting to integrate our deepest emotions and hopes, at best becomes boring, fast. At worst, men and women end up competing over how cruelly they can use one another.

“In truth, the real reason for sexual modesty is not shame, but an awareness of how precious we are. Smirk at that statement if you will, but the fact remains: It is a rare dog that desires a candlelit dinner before mating. On the other hand, it is a rare human who can have a one-night stand without feeling at least a twinge of guilt afterward. And, howls of protest from vested interests notwithstanding, most men know that their most intimate relationships should not be with their computer browsers.

“…Most of us recognize that being desensitized to the power of sexuality is sad, that if you’ve gotten to the point where stopping for a lap dance is like stopping at McDonald’s, then you’re missing out. Yet instituting concrete boundaries to preserve sensitivity such as not hugging people of the opposite sex outside of one’s family is still seen as absurd. Nonetheless, I maintain that examining our sexual values from the vantage point of Orthodox Jews can be refreshing. If you pull aside a religious woman from Jerusalem and try to explain our debate over whether your boyfriend’s receiving a lap dance from a stripper constitutes cheating, she will surely think it is our culture that’s gone completely crazy. Indeed, she might argue with good reason that we are the ones who are repressed about sexuality. Emotionally repressed, that is.

“And could you really blame her? When it comes to modesty, I often wonder, who are the real extremists? Those who insist that only public and tawdry displays of sexuality are legitimate, or those who appreciate privacy and restraint as necessary components for attaining real intimacy?”

This summer, Wendy Shalit has come out with a new book entitled, Girls Gone Mild: Young Women Reclaim Self-Respect and Find It’s Not Bad to Be Good. I can’t wait to read it.

Girls Gone Mild has been popping up all over the media and blogosphere — with mixed reactions!

ABC News

Newsweek

The Virginity Mystique

Girls: Mild or Wild?

Chaste by Choice

Tim Challies’ Review

Unrequited Love

A list of sites demonstrating “enough with sexy stuff for 6 year olds!”

Barbara Curtis on Modesty

Mommy Life, blog of Barbara Curtis, delights my soul, informs my mind, encourages my walk, and eases my heart. Usually. Her current posts on modesty are really getting under my skin — modesty, or immodesty, in our culture can no longer be ignored. Not by parents, not by Christians, not by women, not by Americans. We need to analyize this situation we find ourselves in, and figure out what to do next!

Barbara points out that this is not simply a problem in our country. She points to an interesting, disturbing post called Snuffing out Childhood Before It’s Even Begun by Not Just for Superheroes in the Phillipines. Barbara introduces the modesty issue here and here, explains about the responsiblity girls have to be modest here (complete with great conversation starters to have with your daughter), and she informs us all about how Second Wave Feminism and the Sexual Revolution contributed to much of what we consider “normal” here. The excerpt from her book Reaching the Left from the Right (from the aforementioned post) is worth a quick read!

While you are over at Barbara’s blog, I hope you’ll take the time to be encouraged as well. Her story is fascinating, and as a former Montessori teacher and mother of 12, she does pretty swell reviews of books and children’s products.

Moms for Modesty

Lindsey from Enjoy the Journey, announced a new campaign Everyday Mommy has begun called Moms and Dads for Modesty. (You can read Lindsey’s thoughts on Modesty as a Mom-issue here and here.)

Apparently, what started the idea with Everyday Mommy was the barrage of comments on this post about whether particular clothing was suitable for little gals. Everyday Mommy is encouraging modest-minded parents to sign the mission statement she has provided, hoping retailers will notice this blog movement and react accordingly (as some merchants responded to this gal’s complaint back in 2004):

Moms for Modesty Mission Statement

 

• As a Mom for Modesty I believe in common-sense modesty for girls and young women.
• I believe in refraining from sexualizing our girls and young women.
• I believe that it is unwise and unfair to taunt boys and young men by permitting my daughter(s) to dress in an immodest manner.
• I believe that true beauty comes from within and I strive to teach my daughter(s) this truth.
• I will loyally shop at retailers that provide girls’ and young women’s clothing that is modest, affordable and stylish.

 

I am relieved that God has seen fit to give me little boys (at least so far :)) because I think I am just starting to truly mature in this area.

I’m not sure, had my firstborn been a girl, that I would not have fallen myself into the cutesy, sexy fashions for toddlers and small children. I have been blessed to watch and learn from our good friends, the Hernandez family, as they have dealt with female fashions for their little girl. Allison’s take on it has been, “Why let her wear something now, that I have to tell her in a few years is inappropriate?” Why start a bad habit now, a habit that could eventually be truly destructive (causing men to stumble) when your daughter has a post-pubescent body? (And, the truth is, in this day and age, there are plenty of people with warped views of sexuality who would find slutty fashions very tantalizing on a little pre-pubescent body. And I honestly don’t know if I blame them. The more we dress our little gals in sexually arousing clothes, the more the general public will associate little girls with sex. Is that not a logical leap?)

A year or so ago, we were walking through the mall when I saw a group of gals dancing — gyrating, wiggling hips and bottoms — while wearing very provocative clothing (or lack of clothing?).

(I searched Google Images under “Libby Lu” to find these photos of a popular birthday party trend with young girls these days, in case you haven’t been to the mall lately!)

This were LITTLE girls, acting like grown women — and not modest, humble, lovely grown women (like the kind Titus 2 describes)! I am all for children’s playtime being practice for maturity. Children look forward to growing up, and part of playing should be preparation for one’s future life as an adult. Let’s open a store at the mall where little girls can nurture babies and cook meals for their families… Oh, I can hear you now: “That is so last century.” Fine. How about a more modern store where gals can play dress up as doctors and lawyers and teachers and Mother Theresas?

From my perspective, Libby Lu and the mothers and fathers who drop them off there are priming their daughters for careers as striptease artists or rock stars, communicating to them that baring skin and flaunting one’s body lead to success and happiness (do you think this way of thinking could have anything to do with the body-image crisis many teenage girls are undergoing in the U.S.?) At the very least, parents promoting this kind of play are teaching self-glorification and self-advertisement, sentiments not high on the list of values most Christian parents seek to instill in their daughters.

(And, I have to wonder how many perverts hang out in this area of the mall, just to watch these groups of mini exotic dancers celebrating birthday parties!)

Libby Lu is just one example of immodesty of little girls in our culture. I’d like to encourage you as a parent to give serious thought as to your personal standards of modesty, for yourself and for your little ones. Don’t let culture decide them for you. Who was it that said if we don’t think things through for ourselves, we WILL be swept along the tide of popular culture? I can’t recall who said it, but I certainly agree.

If you concur with the Mission Statement at Everyday Mommy, sign your name to the list and add a link to your blog. Let the retailers know that we parents won’t stand idly by as others dress our children provocatively.

Here are a few other resources that may be of interest to you:

Christian Modesty and the Public Undressing of America

Listen to Leslie Ludy share about Teaching Girls the Truth about Modesty and Purity, Part I, Part II and Part III

Michelle Malkin shares on Standing up to the “Girls Gone Wild” Culture

Teaching Your Daughters to Value Modesty

Modest Daughters by Douglas Wilson

Feminine Dress by Elisabeth Elliot

Libby Lu in the News:

Club Libby Lu, Glamour Babes

My Mighty Warrior

My husband Ron is a mighty warrior, strong and true, living up to the meaning of his name.  Ron is choosing to fight for the glory of God and the honor of our family — against many “enemies” in this life, enemies that are constantly barraging us with their lies and distractions.  Ron is our “Peter” (think The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe), made strong by the power and mercy of the real Aslan. 

I am so thankful for the blessings this man has brought into my life (not the least of which are our three little warriors-to-be), and even more thankful that before the dawn of Creation it was decided that * I * was the perfect helper for this man!  Wow!!  That’s pretty cool, wouldn’t you say? 

This poem reminded me of a bit of what has been stirring in my husband’s heart recently:

The Patriarch

More noble than the valiant deeds of shining knights of yore,
More powerful than earthly plights that make the rich man poor,
More kingly than a royal throne or a lion with his pride,
Is he whose babes sleep well at night sure Daddy will provide.

There is a spirit in this land and Jezebel’s her name.
She’s calling you to leave your home for power, fun, and fame.
She wants your wife, your children too — she’ll never compromise,
Until your house is torn in two by listening to her lies.

But though a hundred thousand million men may fall prey to her lures,
And wives en masse leave home in search of “more fulfilling” chores,
Though preachers praise, and friends embrace, her pagan plan of death,
Stand strong and quit you like a man with every blessed breath.

Stand strong and rise, O man of God, to meet this noble call,
The battle is not new you see, it’s been here since the Fall.

Your wife is your helpmeet, my friend, and not another man’s,
So care for her and keep her far from Mistress Jezi’s plans.
Protect, provide, and give to her your undivided life,
This is the dear one of your youth, your precious bride, your wife.

And rally to those tiny ones who trust you for their care —
A lifetime spent discipling them’s a lifetime pure and rare.
For when they put their hand in yours and know a Daddy’s love,
You’re showing them a picture of the Father from above.

Look not toward worldly goal or gain, or for your liberty,
Look only into their sweet eyes to find your ministry.
Devote your heart and sacrifice and make your manly mark —
There is none so great as he who finds his call as patriarch.

~Douglas W. Phillips

The above poem is from Poems for Patriarchs: The Verse and Prose of Christian Manhood.   Contrary to popular thought, “patriarch” is not a dirty word.  Whether with this word or not, it is my earnest hope that the concept of husbands and fathers leading their families and communities is resurrected in The Church.  The more I learn to truly let go and let my husband lead us (and let God lead my husband), the more joy and peace flood my soul…of course, I am still LEARNING this neat little practice :)

Hirshman Revisited

Remember Linda Hirshman, and the drama she caused by appearing on Good Morning America and saying that well-educated women who choose to stay home with children are betraying Womanhood?

It looks like Ms. Hirshman has responded to the uproar of mommybloggers and other mad moms as well, and finds "religious fundamentalism" at the core of disagreement to her cause.  Hmmm. 

Spunky Homeschool blogs about Hirshman's response, and responds on her own accord with The Wrath of Stay-at-Home-Moms.  Here's an excerpt (I'm sure you'll see how Spunky earned her nickname!):

     As elite educated women, we've betrayed the cause. We've stopped reading and believing the baseless, self-absorbed feminist philosophy. Instead we've gone back to the Truth and are making the choice to stay home and have a baby. (Maybe even more than one!) And making matters even worse, we're daring enough to tell others the good news too. You may call that "aggressively domestic." I prefer to call it, "fundamentally feminine". And while we're busy raising our children, we're raising a few hard questions of our own. After all, if we don't, who will?

     So preaching the same old tired message of discontent isn't going to work anymore. Unlike generations past, women don't have to rely on the narrow minded media to get the Truth out. Everyday we're publishing mini manifestos of our own. I think you referred to that as a samizdat. Slowly women are catching a vision, one blog at a a time, for what their heart told them was true all along - being a wife and mother is the most lucrative career around.

You may also enjoy reading In This Corner…, a One Beggar's Bread post written by guest author Kari Hannon, comparing 2 prominent female thinkers, Charlotte Mason from times past and Linda Hirshman from the present.

In This Corner…

CHARLOTTE MASON v. LINDA HIRSHMAN

My Amble Ramble Yahoo group (a support group for Charlotte Mason Education) has been abuzz this week over Linda Hirshman's recent assertion that a woman's place is in the office. Reading articles by Hirshman alongside Home Education by my Charlotte Mason, list member Kari Hannon was struck by the incredible difference between these two women.

I can imagine the boxing arena full of cheering women as we set Linda Hirchsman, a prominent feminist thinker up against Charlotte Mason, prominent educator from the late 1800's/early 1900's whose work has recently made a comeback to greatly influence the modern home education movement.

Kari gave me permission to reprint her thoughts here:

In my reading of Hirshman's article, it is clear to me that she has no clue what motherhood and "staying at home" truly is. Of educated women who choose to stay at home she writes, "these daughters of the upper classes will be bearing most of the burden of the work always associated with the lowest caste: sweeping and cleaning bodily waste…They have voluntarily become untouchables." So, she equates it solely with the physical and lowly tasks of cleaning homes and children. A maid or janitor. Contrast that view with Charlotte Mason's understanding of the value of motherhood.

First, Mason, an early 20th Century British educator, quotes another person called Pestalozzi, who said, "The mother is qualified, and qualified by the Creator Himself, to become the principal agent in the development of her child; …and what is demanded of her is–a thinking love…God has given to the child all the faculties of our nature, but the grand point remains undecided–how shall this heart, this head, these hands be employed? to whose service shall they be dedicated? … Maternal love is the first agent in education."

Then Mason writes, "We are waking up to our duties and in proportion, as mothers become more highly educated and efficient, they will doubtless feel the more strongly that the education of their children during the first six years of life is an undertaking hardly to be entrusted to any hand but their own. And they will take it up as their profession–that is, with the diligence, regularity, and punctuality which men bestow on their professional labours." (Home Education, vol.1)

When I first read Mason's words, my reaction was, "Alas…if only that were true!" To me, daycares are much too prevalent and I have not seen this awakening in educated mothers that Mason envisioned.

But Hirshman's article gave me hope! 

Hirshman is non-plussed that all these educated mothers are leaving the workplace and returning home. "This less-flourishing sphere is not the natural or moral responsibility only of women," she writes.

The fact that top, "elite", educated women are choosing to stay home and don't see it as "unjust" should clue her in to the fact that maybe it IS natural, brings self-fulfillment and happiness and is, yes, even honorable. If things don't stack up as you think they should, go back and check your hypothesis. But that's unthinkable; instead, she points back at the feminist system and blames it for not going far enough. It targeted education and the workplace, but obviously those were not the correct targets. The real target is the home. "Feminists must acknowledge that the family is to 2005 what the workplace was to 1964 and the vote to 1920." In other words, family is holding women back from their full potential as human beings. Only when they are freed from the traditional understanding of home and family will women be able to "flourish". 

The fact that these women and their families "seem happy" and would consider themselves as "flourishing" means nothing to Hirshman. It doesn't matter what they think, because she knows what is better for them than they do themselves. "We care because what they do is bad for them, is certainly bad for society, and is widely imitated."

Ahh, thank you Ms. Hirshman, for your loving concern. However, I see that your concern is not truly for women. If it were, you would rejoice with them that they are happy in their chosen field of motherhood. Instead, you lament that they have a choice at all. "Prying women out of their traditional roles is not going to be easy. It will require rules."

Her concern is not truly for society, either, for if it were, she would be more concerned about the children she is so quick to hand over to the casual daycare worker. The good of society does not rest solely on the shoulders of those in the workforce or those currently holding the "power"–be it man or woman. A society can change for the better or for worse with each successive generation. Therefore, any society must look to the future and ensure the proper raising of its young. "Children," writes Charlotte Mason, "are, in truth, to be regarded less as personal property than as public trusts, put into the hands of parents that they may make the very most of them for the good of society." And who cares more for the success of her child than a mother? Mason writes further, "This is why we hear so frequently of great men who have had good mothers– that is, mothers who brought up their children themselves, and did not make over their gravest duty to indifferent persons."

No, Ms. Hirshman's concern is for money, power and honor–her own definition of honor, of course, which seems to be related solely to money and power. Her love of money and power has blinded her. She is blind to the truth that, not only are men and women different, but that the world benefits when we embrace those differences, allowing both men and women to flourish in the roles for which they were created.

I would recommend that Ms. Hirshman go back to the drawing board and do a bit more research into 1) the natures of God and man and 2) the importance of training in the development of a child. Once she has a deeper grasp of both of those, she will be able to see why feminism has not "worked" to her current satisfaction. Her response may no longer be a bewildered, "What is going on?" but a victorious, "Hallelujah!"

Thank you for sharing, Kari!

A Woman’s Place is in the Office

Are you a competent, educated woman? Then according to Linda Hirschman, a prominent feminist thinker, you are above being "just a mom."
Apparently irritated at the large numbers of highly educated women who are intending to forgo careers over being "just" wives and mommas, Hirchman has spent quite a bit of time and energy arguing that "feminism has largely failed in its goals." Here's to more failure of this brand of feminism.
You can read all about Hirschman's recent appearance on Good Morning America here.
Al Mohler's take on it all? "These women [stay-at-home moms] not 'letting down the team.' To the contrary, they are holding civilization together where civilization begins–in the home."

God is from Mars and Venus

Off with the skirt, On with the Pants is an article sure to make you either clench your fists in anger or laugh out loud as R.C. Sproul, Jr. (son of the well-known Christian theologian R.C. Sproul) brings you face-to-face with the issue of men's leadership in our churches.

Sproul Junior has a silly sense of humor sprinkled with a bit of sarcasm and large doses of truth. He writes with passion that is a bit over the top…but I do think God will use this dynamic man to get a few good messages across.

Enjoy!

Where Have All the Young Men Gone?

I was perusing The Rebelution Blog this morning, and was struck by this post called If Boys Would Be Men, Would Girls Be Ladies? I can't say how impressed I am by the young male authors of this blog.

This post strikes me for a few reasons. The first is that feminism has been on my brain for the past few weeks, even though I have yet to finish posting my thoughts. Then, just yesterday, my sister mentioned a discussion she had in the high school teacher's lounge of a recent article in Newsweek on schools failing boys. The topic of "boys in education" is one very near and dear to my soul, and the idea that institutional schools aren't set up for boys to succeed was the first thing that drew my husband and me to consider homeschooling. And, over the past few years, I have had a paradigm-shift in my way of viewing men — I now see how important it is to us as The Church and as a country to have REAL, godly, strong men leading us to victorious moral living. (I am so honored that God put three little men into our home, not because boys are any better than girls — I am not swinging clear to the other side of the spectrum — but because our society has an absolute lack of godly men and the thought that God could use our seed to replenish this lack excites me. Godly women just seem easier to find than godly men, and I am of the opinion that godly men will only make life more wonderful for women in general. I only ask the Lord to lead Ron and I in raising these little guys to be true men of faith — manly and godly world-changers — :) that's all I ask, Lord!)

I hope you'll take a moment to read the Rebelution post - and remember, these boys are only 17 years old!!

A few excerpts from the posting:

"The problem is not that women have risen, that's not even an issue here. The problem is that men have fallen."

"The truth is that young men today possess little incentive, whether archaic or otherwise, to pursue excellence in career, marriage or family. True men are not only disapearing from our universities, they're disapearing from society's most fundamental institution, the family. Unless men, as the heads of their families, return to the historic call of biblical manhood, the family will continue to decay. This is a battle our generation must fight."

Resources on Figuring out Feminism

Oh. If only I didn't have a husband and kids to minister to, perhaps I would have more time and a less-cluttered brain to sit down and do something really important — like blog about feminism in the church! :)
Really, I am working on Parts 2 through at-least-4 of the Unwitting Feminism series. I keep jumping around between them — and none of them is able to stand alone as a post at this point. Hopefully I won't end up posting them all at once!
Besides, it is amusing to just check back and read everyone's incredible comments. Dad and Danielle have already stolen my thunder on a few words of wisdom. And George, though I agree with a lot of your assessment of things, I think "feminism" and its spread throughout society and the church is more men's fault than women's! And I think that feminism has done nothing but harm to both sexes.
It's been fun to think about everything you ALL had to say so far — thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Before I get to the next controversial "real" post, here are some resources for you. All of these books or websites come from a pretty conservative, but very biblical standpoint. I would challenge you to look at any of these sources (with a Bible on your lap) and see what you think!

Books I have yet to Read that Look Great:
The Feminist Mistake by Mary Kassian
Review of The Feminist Mistake by Tim Challies (this review is worth the read)
Roger of The A Team interviews Mary Kassian (includes a link to read the first chapter
of this book online)
The Exemplary Husband by Stuart Scott

Websites with lots of articles:
Patriarch Magazine
Ladies Against Feminism
The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood
Family Ministries

Books I have found helpful over the past few years:

Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson
Family Man, Family Leader by Philip Lancaster
The Way Home and All The Way Home (the 2nd is "way" better) by Mary Pride
Created to Be His Help-Meet by Debi Pearl
The Fruit of Her Hands: Respect and the Christian Woman by Nancy Wilson
On the Other Side of the Garden: Biblical Womanhood for Today's World by Virginia Fugate

A lot of these resources will seem odd and extreme in light of most of the other stuff out there these days.
At first, I even threw Reforming Marriage to the floor — it made me so mad! But I can't get past the biblical wisdom from many of these authors. Not that I agree with EVERYTHING each of them has to say, either. I am just so tired of explaining away scripture verses — it has been refreshing to read books written by those who take the Bible for what it plainly says. These authors and people who live this way have drawn me into investigating Reform Theology (although they are not ALL Reform, Debi Pearl and Reb Bradley of Family Ministries are assuredly NOT Reform).
If you've read any of these books/articles, I'd love to hear what you think.