Macho or Masculine?

While I agree that the church has become too feminized, that men have forgotten how to lead and women have forgotten how to support, and that we could almost all use a refresher course in Manhood and Womanhood 1A in our churches…what this article — Manliness is next to godliness — in the LA Times reports seems to be another instance of The Church driving into the ditch on the other side of the road.

The Church isn’t in need of a few good reckless teens. We need men. Al Mohler does a fabulous job explaining the difference.

If you’d like further description of healthy masculinity, not machismo…how about reading a thing or two from these two teenage boys? These are the kind of “rebels” our churches and societies are longing for…and the kind of rebels I actually seen and met over the past few years (there seems to be a real movement this way, starting with parents of small children and trickling into the teen scene — very, very encouraging).

Andy from Think Christian, in the post On Manly Jesus v. Cuddly Jesus Trends says that both the Macho Jesus movement and the Jesus is My Boyfriend movement have the same heart — they are examples of us “re-decorating Jesus in the image of our choice,” and approaching God this way is not the best way to get to know Him. I agree with Andy — isn’t part of the human condition our desire to define God in our own terms? Would you believe this same profound statement was made in the less-than-profound-sacreligious-and-crude movie, Talledega Nights? See for yourself! (WARNING: THIS VIDEO DOES HAVE A CUSS WORD OR TWO — NOT FOR CHILDREN! And…you may want to stop it right after the prayer!)

Man Blogs

This weekend I enjoyed two great entries on masculine subjects.

Scott Somerville from K-Dad Education in writes in Romance as a Required Subject:

“Your sons need to understand that a romantic hero gets to fight the dragon of discontent every day for the sake of the woman he loves. Living happily ever after is just as much of a struggle–and a triumph!–as winning her hand in the first place.”

And Bob K from Worship Matters writes in his September 29, 2006 entry, Do Men and Women Worship Differently? (I think you’ll have to scroll down, I couldn’t get the permalink to do anything besides link to the home page):

“It’s not about worshipping God in a feminine or masculine way, but worshipping Him for Who has revealed Himself to be and in the ways He has commanded us to worship Him. As we do so, we’ll find men becoming more manly and women becoming more “womanly.” Given the current climate in many churches, this would probably result in many churches becoming more “masculine” in their worship, but any church becoming more biblical.”

I hope you’ll take the time to read both of these short posts…and take a minute to look around these challenging “man blogs!”

Presidential Manliness Under Scrutiny

My husband sent me a link last week to Man Overboard from The Washington Post. Journalist Ruth Marcus has “a new theory about what’s behind everything that’s wrong with the Bush administration.” Are you ready for this? It’s “manliness!”

Whether you are conservative or liberal, whether you are supportive of President Bush and his policies or hateful of them or somewhere in between, I think we can all agree that George W. Bush is a masquline male.

There are plenty of President Bush’s policies that I don’t favor — for example, he is too into “big government” for me, and No Child Left Behind just doesn’t make sense. But President Bush is a likeable, respectable, trustworthy guy, and I think part of this is because he is a Man — with a Capital M! And he is not only a true man, but a true man who has surrendered to Jesus Christ. President George W. Bush is a good man. He has my respect.

(Follow Up:  My attempt to address concerns expressed in Comments can be accessed here )

God is from Mars and Venus

Off with the skirt, On with the Pants is an article sure to make you either clench your fists in anger or laugh out loud as R.C. Sproul, Jr. (son of the well-known Christian theologian R.C. Sproul) brings you face-to-face with the issue of men's leadership in our churches.

Sproul Junior has a silly sense of humor sprinkled with a bit of sarcasm and large doses of truth. He writes with passion that is a bit over the top…but I do think God will use this dynamic man to get a few good messages across.

Enjoy!

Where Have All the Young Men Gone?

I was perusing The Rebelution Blog this morning, and was struck by this post called If Boys Would Be Men, Would Girls Be Ladies? I can't say how impressed I am by the young male authors of this blog.

This post strikes me for a few reasons. The first is that feminism has been on my brain for the past few weeks, even though I have yet to finish posting my thoughts. Then, just yesterday, my sister mentioned a discussion she had in the high school teacher's lounge of a recent article in Newsweek on schools failing boys. The topic of "boys in education" is one very near and dear to my soul, and the idea that institutional schools aren't set up for boys to succeed was the first thing that drew my husband and me to consider homeschooling. And, over the past few years, I have had a paradigm-shift in my way of viewing men — I now see how important it is to us as The Church and as a country to have REAL, godly, strong men leading us to victorious moral living. (I am so honored that God put three little men into our home, not because boys are any better than girls — I am not swinging clear to the other side of the spectrum — but because our society has an absolute lack of godly men and the thought that God could use our seed to replenish this lack excites me. Godly women just seem easier to find than godly men, and I am of the opinion that godly men will only make life more wonderful for women in general. I only ask the Lord to lead Ron and I in raising these little guys to be true men of faith — manly and godly world-changers — :) that's all I ask, Lord!)

I hope you'll take a moment to read the Rebelution post - and remember, these boys are only 17 years old!!

A few excerpts from the posting:

"The problem is not that women have risen, that's not even an issue here. The problem is that men have fallen."

"The truth is that young men today possess little incentive, whether archaic or otherwise, to pursue excellence in career, marriage or family. True men are not only disapearing from our universities, they're disapearing from society's most fundamental institution, the family. Unless men, as the heads of their families, return to the historic call of biblical manhood, the family will continue to decay. This is a battle our generation must fight."

Calling All Dads!

I received an email notice today that Family Life did 2 radio programs on daddies leading family worship. I'm listening to them right now, and they sound great so far!
Ron and I have come across many statistics lately revealing the number one factor in having kids that follow Christ is dad leading his children in some type of family worship. Back in the Pilgrim or Puritan days, a father could be whipped for not leading his family in daily devotions — yikes! All whips put aside, I sure hope God moves in the hearts of men to turn their hearts back to Him and back to their wives and children.
We wives and children hunger for spiritual food from our men.

Future Men

One of the books that I am reading right now is Future Men by Douglas Wilson. (I always have several books going at a time because its just too boring to finish one before going onto the next — I prefer keeping several areas of my brain working out at once — sort of like circuit training for the mind. LOL.) It is just so enlightening to read these books about boys. I am reminded that I am SUCH a girl — through and through — and I need the encouragment and direction for raising masculine men. Not to mention that these books on boys help me better understand my husband and his ways…!

From the Introduction to Future Men:

"The faith exhibited by wise parents of boys is the faith of a farmer, or a sculptor, or anyone else engaged in the work of shaping unfolding possibilities. It is not the faith of someone waiting around for lightning to strike; it is the faith of someone who looks at the present and sees what it will become — through grace and good works.
"Countless examples may be multiplied from any given day in the life of a small boy. Say a boy breaks a chair because he was jumping on it from the bunk bed. Unbelief sees the cost of replacing the chair. Faith sees aggressiveness and courage, both of which obviously need to be directed and disciplined. Suppose a boy gets into a fight protecting his sister. Unbelief sees the lack of wisdom that created a situation that could have been easily avoided; faith sees an immature masculinity that is starting to assume the burden of manhood.
"Unbelief squashes; faith teaches. Faith takes a boy aside, and tells him that this part of what he did was good, while that other part of what he did got in the way. 'And this is how to do it better next time.'"

Oh, Lord, the Good Farmer! Would you sow seeds of faith in my heart? Would you help Ron and I to believe and strive toward the best in our sons? It is you who causes the crops to grow, Father. I just want to be your handmaiden, ready to serve You in any way you would prefer. Use me like a tool in your garden! May the crops that are raised in our home glorify Your name in just the way you desire.
I do not want to be guilty of squashing the Good in my boys.
I DO want to be faithful to instructing these little guys in the ways of godly, masculine men.
Thank you for revealing to me so much lately about the manly soul — keep me appreciative of Your good works as I see to understand Your ways. Your thoughts are not my thoughts, and I am so thankful that You are so high above me! Usher me into Your Truth, and please give me the grace to walk by it.

Loving Your Brother

When I was pregnant with my second son, visions of two brothers deeply in love with each other danced in my head. When I shared my hopes and dreams, people scoffed! I was really taken aback by many reactions, "That'll never happen!" "Siblings are supposed to hate each other!" "Dream on!"
I will be the first to admit a Pollyannaesque worldview. If the glass isn't half-full, then let's do something about that, eh? I also have a bit of a rebellious spirit. If someone tells me something cannot be done, I'm going to try that much harder to ensure that it will.
My boys have not been AS in love with each other as I hoped. But then if they were born mature, what would they need parents for? (And if I didn't have children, would I be forced into maturity as quickly as I ought to be?)
Our 3 sons do cherish each other deeply. They truly are best friends. Sometimes while we are out shopping, I notice them holding hands (but I NEVER point it out, for then they might stop — if anyone teases them about this you will forever be on my blacklist). They make each other cards or homemade board games when they are sick. They often bring each other snacks or glasses of water when they stop to get something for themselves. More often than not, after tucking them each into their own beds, we will peek in on them to find all three of them snuggled together under one blanket.
I feel that home schooling has been another surprise answer to prayer. Close family relationships were the desire of my heart — I had no idea that home schooling would be one of the vehicles God would use to grant us this desire. The boys spending more time together during the day, and being on the same family team — not running off on their own individual tangents all the time –has produced amazing friendships. I feel blessed that God "talked us into" home schooling and then astonished us with so many extra benefits!
God has been kind enough to their dad and me to give us a foretaste of this desire of our hearts. So far, it seems that the Lord has clued us in when the friendships start slipping — which inevitably happens every once in a while. We had one little neighbor boy who used to spend a lot of time in our house, and he really was quite destructive to the brothers' relationship. We prayed about what to do, and God asked me to play with the group of boys when the neighbor boy was over (which they actually seemed to enjoy, not to mention I had a bit of fun myself!) and this helped much. Not long after that, the little boy moved away, and I breathed a sigh of relief.
The last few weeks have shown a bit more bickering and jealousy in the house. I have been so busy with Christmas and reading other people's blogs that I have chosen to turn a blind eye to much of it. A lot more derogatory words have been exchanged from the olders to the youngers. And as for our youngest, we haven't held as high standards for him as we should have. He is the one to show favoritism and try to play one older brother against the other. His brothers have been too kind to him, letting him be the Prince of the House.
I just read a cute post on Making Your Kids Love Each Other. Such good ideas!
How thankful I am that God's mercies are new every morning. I am inspired to wake up tomorrow morning and help my littles love on each other more and more. I am inspired to get myself back on the family team and not be off doing my own thing for much of the day.
Back to loving God, and loving others — this is where I want to go. And everything else will fall into place…
Lord God, will you guide Ron and I in helping our children love each other? Do not let us tolerate ugly words amongst them. Help us to teach them biblical ways of dealing with conflict, and biblical ways of loving the unloveable. Help us to love them and enjoy them while we discipline and disciple them. Thank you that You are such an enjoyable God! May we learn to feast on You and share You with the little ones you have loaned to us. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

That’s My Boy

The Lord saw fit to bless our home with three children of the masculine persuasion.
By our third son, I sat up and took notice that I had more than a few things to learn. Growing up with only one sister left me with not much knowledge of these man-types. Don't get me wrong, I've always been crazy about males, but only if they were wrapped around my little finger. And truth be told, for years I held the secret (or not-so-secret at times) belief that women and girls were, uh, better than men and boys. Yep, its true. Thought we were smarter, and thought we were better because of our knack of multi-tasking, having more apparent depth of emotion, and not struggling as much as men with sexual sins.
Funny how circumstances often bring us to paradigm-shifts. The more I researched boys — the way they learn, the way they play, the way they interact, the way they fight, they way they learn to follow (or don't learn to follow) God — the more I fell in love with the way they are. I like to think that I have graduated to the higher status in life of Boy Advocate.
Boys are GREAT! Men are GREAT!
And boys are Future Men.
It is amazing to me that God had the idea of making men and women so different from one another, and now I am mature enough to thank Him for this (instead of asking him why men weren't more like women).
What a joy it is to have sons. Boys are simple and forthright. Boys hardly ever hold grudges. If they are mad at a brother or friend — even if the disagreement escalates to a physical scuffle, once the fight is done, its done. We don't have to try to hard to psycho-analyze a boy — he puts it all right out there for us. Being competitve is not a sin, and it is possible to teach a boy how to win and lose gracefully. Boys learn by seeing that they can use their knowledge to make a difference in the world — receiving little "good job" smiley-face stickers doesn't cut it for motivating boys. They need to feel the strength and profundity of acquired knowledge. Boys grow up to be fathers, the single most important person in each of our childhoods (whether your father was present or absent, godly or unkind, his importance is not diminished — though the blessings may have been). Boys grow up to be leaders — of their families, churches, businesses, and societies. A focused man (one that isn't good at multi-tasking, remember?) has the strength and fortitude to make a huge dent in our society. Imagine that focused man "seeking first the Kingdom of God." What a difference he can make, and what an adventure he can enjoy while doing it!
And boys and mothers, oh my. I don't think I will ever tire of having several males who pick flowers for me and play with my hair and tell me I'm beautiful. This love and affection alone makes any pee on the toilet seat worth it.
I am in Boy Heaven.

Some great books on boys:
Future Men by Douglas Wilson
Raising A Modern-Day Knight
King Me by Steve Farrar
Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson

Some good books about and/or for men:
The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura
Created to Be His Help-Meet by Debi Pearl
Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge
Family Man, Family Leader by Phillip Lancaster
A Father's Stew by Stephen Beck
Point Man by Steve Farrar
No More Christian Nice Guy by Paul Coughlin (highly recommended by a friend, we haven't read this yet)

Improving His Aim…?

Just yesterday, I was reprimanded at a friend's home for using the "boy" bathroom instead of the guest bathroom. Everyone knows boys' bathrooms can be icky. For that matter, men's rooms can be worse. Have you ever seen a long line of women waiting for the potty, while the men's room remains vacant? Any of us who have tried the guys' side once before in desperation know from experience that the gals' side is worth the wait.
Well, this morning was no exception in our home. I had to go potty really badly and sat down on a WET seat. Now, our toilet is right next to the shower, which has been known to splash a little, so I didn't freak out at first. When I stood up, I could tell the toilet was not wet with shower water. I also noticed that it wasn't just the seat that was wet, but behind the seat and on both sides of the bottom of the toilet. How in the world could this have happened?
I began my wailing: Who did this? This is so disgusting! Who could miss like this?? It looks like someone pee'd ON the seat instead of IN it!!
My honest-most-of-the-time-lately son Micah ran into the bathroom with his eyes downcast. Quietly, he answered, "It was me, Mom. I'm sorry."
You? You did this? This is sooooooooooooo gross. I SAT in pee! I have pee on my bottom! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is?
Then I asked the question that most good parenting books tell you to skip:
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?
I really didn't expect an answer, but I got one. Micah looked up at me with his big baby blues and in all sincerity explained, "Mom, there was a fly on the potty. I was trying to shoot it."
Suddenly the wicked vandalist transformed into an endearing little boy right before my very eyes. He and I started cracking up, hugged each other and had a good laugh, right there on the bathroom floor! Then I gave him the Windex and a ton of paper towels and told him to make the porcelain shine.
Micah knows that he shall never again try to shoot flies with bodily fluid. And I know that a wet bottom is not worth losing my temper over. Some day these boys will be grown up and gone, and I will remember (and miss) their antics with fondness.
Their future wives may have to deal with dirty toilets at times, but at least these husbands will know how to clean 'em up :)